Here we are, another day, & no closer to finding my purpose in this life or what I even have to offer. Why is it that some are so lucky to be living out their dreams or making a difference, while others are starving to death, & more just going through the motions of day to day life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have been blessed & brought back from the ashes by God, but is mediocre all I'm destined for? If so, why can't I accept that & be satisfied? How did the movie stars or whatever get "picked" to do what they do & live a life of luxury - why are they any better than those who are starving on the streets? Now, I'm not trying to knock the work of movies stars & such, they do work hard & live their lives in the spolight, it's just why them & not me? I know that probably does not make any sense, but it does in my own head.
I had spent 23 years of my life being someone that everyone else wanted me to be, or how I thought they would want me to be so maybe I could be accepted somewhere. Now, I have the opportunity to be whoever I want to be & do what I want to do, but I have no idea where to start or how to achieve it. I've never thought much of myself or even given myself credit where I probably deserve it. I don't think I have any talents or skills or anyting really to offer in life...so why was I created?
I know I will probably never know the answer to my questions, but I just don't understand why I couldn't have been dealt with cards that would help me do what I think I want to do. I'm not really "living", I'm not sure if I even know how to do that. How do you figure out what your purpose is in life? How do you know what it is that God wants from/of you? It hasn't been that long since my divorce & complete mental breakdown & I know that it will take quite some time & patience to mend the damage that has been done to my innerself, but I just feel like it's too late for me...too late in life to start over. The world is also full of ugliness & hatred - I find it very difficult to want to be around people (even though deep down, I do want that social interaction) because I see humans for what we are & it just makes me angry or sad. I have a HUGE trust issue - I tend to shut down & lock everyone else out.
Do we create our own destinies (with guidance & help from God of course) or, are we already "pre-packaged" in the mold He wants us to be? Is it really possible to be whatever you want to be when you grow up?
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