For the past couple of months I have been pondering the meaning of life...what is my purpose? Am I happy? How do you know if you're happy? What makes me happy? What is it that I want to do in my life?
Due to the struggle with depression I have battled & being so insecure, I've never made a decision on my own. I know, sounds completely insane & WTF? But I haven't. I tried so hard to be anyone that someone else wanted me to be: like the same music, fashion style, etc.
When the divorce happened, God opened my eyes to the destruction I was doing to myself & others around me. So now, I'm not afraid to turn up Britney Spears w/ my car windows down; letting the eclectic hippie/boho flow out, dancing around my house by myself; being alone; having my own interests & being myself (which I'm still learning) & handle my depression straight on. It's a difficult thing to wake up & not know anything about yourself - there's a million things going through my head & it's definitely hard to reign all those thoughts in & do one thing at a time (yes, being an extremist sucks some times). But what I do know is that I'm doing things because I want to...no pressure & I enjoy what I am doing....I like to say I'm a productive hermit :)
With all that being said, the major hurdle that I am facing now is my job/career/work. I don't think He meant for me to sit behind a computer all day, be mediocre. I've gotten back into crafts, pictures, jewelry, makeup & have definitely over loaded myself with my "To Do List" LOL But I've really enjoyed makeup...I love how it can transform a person, whether it's prom night or the use of prosthetics in movies, it is truly an art. I love how it goes hand in hand with the fashion industry - I had always loved fashion & wanted to be in that industry, but it just didn't suit my personality. I see makeup as an avenue back into the fashion world, but not in it...if that makes sense.
So, I'm going to do everything I can to make this happen...be a makeup artist. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing or where to start, but all I know is that I love putting makeup on others (I do makeovers for my Mary Kay business) & being able to enjoy what you do for a living would be a dream come true! I'm terrified, skeptical: maybe I'm too old to start over? Even though I was kind of forced to start my life over due to the debacle I went through...
I am now REALLY going to try & get better at this 'blogging' thing & share anything about makeup, skin care, etc. that I learn about. I will also be blogging more about the DIY projects I did & of course, everyday mundane life...it will be a modpodge of STUFF! So here goes nothing...
*Unicorns & Glitter*
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